October 19, 2017

Ph.D. Update 3

‘It’s almost over’ are the three words that keep crossing my head everytime I find myself  looking at the thesis and inhaling deeply. As I am typing this, I count down five days until my Ph.D. thesis submission, and it fills me with stress. worry and excitement at the same time!

 

Firstly, let me start by saying that if you are tired of me talking about my Ph.D. on social media (and especially Instagram), I am sorry.  Feel free to stop reading this post right now.  But before you do, I would like to say that this is my biggest achievement and it hasn’t come easy.  This has been a never-ending, stressful process that didn’t allow me to shut down, sleep at nights, eat in peace and enjoy life as anyone else would do. So before you get mad at me for yet ‘another Ph.D. related post’ please try to be in my shoes for a second. Thank you!

 

Being in a position to submit gives me mixed feelings, primarily because I fear of a potential failure. I have never met a Ph.D. student who hasn’t doubted him/herself and hasn’t worried that they would fail the oral examination. I have a constant, internal battle between feelings of worry, ‘what if I fail‘, and thoughts of ‘I can’t believe I am done!’ Have you ever heard of the imposter syndrome before? Well, it’s here and it goes strong. But, for once in my life, I try to focus on the good feelings and be happy that this is over instead of letting my worries sink in. Every morning, I chat to friends  telling them I count down the days and hours and how much it makes me happy to see the thesis getting together. Then I sit down and make a list of the things I have to finish today. And taking ticking things off my list is the little step that keeps me sane and happy!

 

What are my next steps? After Ph.D. thesis submission I am planning to allow myself to get sometime off everything and anything and focus on me. I feel that I have lost myself the past year with all the project tightness and life tension so I am looking forward to find what makes me happy and in simple terms let it kill me. Let that be take up a new hobby or fulfill my dream of travelling to Australia. I am also hoping to start the job applications soon and find something to allow me to enjoy the good things in life. Before starting my academic journey I had always envisioned myself becoming a lecturer, but with time comes knowledge and now, at this current stage, all I want for myself is to find a job that makes me happy and allows me to travel at weekends and buy that expensive pair of shoes without having second thoughts.

 

So here’s to a thesis submission, new hobbies, more travelling and happiness.

 

Thanks for still reading this blog and for supporting me all these years.

Anastasia

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